Call to Action
Let’s say you’re writing a car chase scene. Try putting yourself in the driver’s seat. If you were chasing someone or being chased, how likely is it that you’d be carrying on a conversation with a passenger? Not likely at all. Here’s an excerpt from A Well-Kept Family Secret, a scene between Sandi Webster and her mother, Livvie:
“Punch it!” My mother was giving me an order. “He turned right at that next street.” She’d let go of her seat and was leaning as far forward as her seatbelt would allow.
My eyes widened. Punch it? I turned right at the next street. I could see him ahead, but he was over a block away. He turned again. I turned again. He was driving into an area I didn’t know. We slid around a few more corners. He turned onto a longer street. He had the advantage. His car was faster and there weren’t any corners nearby to slow him down.
“You’re letting him get away,” Mother yelled.
“He’s faster,” I yelled back.
Notice that in most of this excerpt the sentences are short and clipped. That denotes action. If I’d said, “I turned right at the next street, and I could see him ahead, but he was over a block away. He turned again and so did I.” Do you see how those commas slow down the action? How about, “He turned onto a longer street, and he had the advantage because his car was faster…” Well, you get the idea. Keep it short, keep it clipped and keep it simple for the best action.
There’s another great example of a freeway scene in Prudy’s Back!, but I’d be giving away the story if I referenced that one. Just remember, a one word sentence can sometimes say volumes, especially if that one word has to do with your speed inching up. “Eighty. Ninety. Slow down!”
Now let’s say that someone is chasing Sandi and Livvie and they’re on foot. Is it likely that they’re going to be able to talk while they’re running? It’s more likely they’ll be running out of breath and maybe pointing at a place to hide, or a shortcut to lose the guy chasing them. When they do stop running, they’re going to be panting and trying to catch their breath, not discussing the madman who’s chasing them. Try something like:
“Sandi, I can’t breathe.” pant pant “I’m getting too old for this.” She bends over with her hands on her knees.
Sandi holds up a hand to still her mother. pant pant “Breathe, Mother. Did you see where he went?” pant pant
“No.” She takes a deep breath. “He must be – ”
“Right behind you, lady,” the madman said breathlessly, letting his ax-wielding hand fall to his side.
Okay, that’s not a real scene from any of my books. But the point is that when you’re writing action, write it so it feels like action. Let the reader (mentally) follow right behind the chase and feel like they’re a part of it. Keep it short. Keep it brisk. Keep it lively. Keep it real. Let yourself imagine what it would feel like. And remember that this same thing would apply to a fight scene, whether it’s verbal or physical.
One more thought. Sometimes when things are getting dicey in a story, but it’s not an action scene, commas can slow down a sentence just as much as they can in the action scene. “I think we’re in real trouble. Let’s get out of here.” vs. “I think we’re in real trouble, so we’d better get out of here.” It’s subtle, but there is a difference.
When you write action, put yourself in the shoes of your character and let yourself feel what they’re feeling. Trust me when I say it will make for a better scene.
Until next time, I sincerely hope you don’t find yourself mixed up in a real life action scene unless you’re running in a foot race for charity. Have a great week, and enjoy a chocolate bar, my cure all for everything.
Coming Soon: Bogey’s Ace in the Hole 
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Good point, Marja! That applies to dialogue too. Write it the way your characters would really talk - usually short and clipped with incomplete sentences - not necessarily grammatically correct.
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You're right, Patricia. Dialogue is even more important than action. Thank you for stopping in.
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Good subject, Marja. Something all writers need to remember.
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Thank you, Marilyn. We become so wrapped up in other aspects that sometimes we forget the action.
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This is excellent advice, Marja, and I know that your action scenes are very, very real to me. You should collect these craft essays and publish them. I've read some published books that could have been improved by using these methods. Dorothy
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Thank you so much, Dorothy. What a wonderful compliment. I'm one of those people who knows a little about a lot of things. : )
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Very good points, Marja! I try to make my dialogue realistic but have not consciously thought about action.
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Thank you for visiting, Tricia. That's one of the problems with writing. There are so many things to think about.
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Tomorrow is National Chocolate Day. Stock up on your favorite writing food. Running to catch a chocolate mouse. Gotcha!
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How on earth could I have missed knowing tomorrow is National Chocolate Day? My food of choice.
At this point I think I should fess up. It's the chocolate mouse that did it. Jake is a cat, and obviously a pretty smart one since he leaves comments on my blog. Someday you're going in a book, Jake. Yeah, you and your owner. : )
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Well said and a good example of an action scene, Marja. (You had me panting with Livvie just reading it.)
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Thanks, Jean. Notice how I threw it the axe to make him a little crazier? LOL They needed a reason to run that hard.
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Another difficult thing about writing action scenes is if there are more than one in the book, you must make each different from the other. How boring a movie would Bullitt have been if McQueen had four similar car chases. I run into this problem with my character in her fight scenes. I have to show off her various skills. She can't just take out the bad guy with a front kick all the time.
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Good observation, Stephen. Every scene has to be fresh. It just goes to show what imaginations we have. Or maybe experiences?
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Good advice, Marja. I particularly liked the advice on handling the scene at the end of the chase. Even if in a car, the driver - or passenger - is not going to be in the usual conversation mode.
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Thanks for stopping in, James. I would think a person's mind would be in a whole different place than under normal circumstances. In a small way, I would think the drive would be in a similar state of mind as after having a very near accident.
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I cut and pasted the blog into an e-mail that I sent to my current client, whose mystery novel I'm editing. The characters, plot, action are all very good, I feel, but he's an overwriter. He'll have to chop away at the long sentences filled with commas and semicolons. Thanks, Marja.
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Thank you, Eileen. Whether it's action or fear or joy, I think the writer needs to walk in the character's shoes for a few minutes and think about how they'd react under similar circumstances.
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Thanks Marja great advice. augie
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Thank you for stopping in, Augie. Action scenes can actually be a lot of fun to write.
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Great post!@ Excellent points! Thanks for the suggestions. Trying to catch up on old emails. Just finished second draft of sequel.
Best,
Sharon
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Thank you, Sharon. Wishing you the best with your sequel.
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